To Be Clear, I Would Do This Guy

Let's get one thing straight, I would felate this guy, felate the poop out of him. I'm not gay or anything, but there is no question I would suck Tiger's ass after he ran 7 miles and had diarrhea. Again, I'm not gay or anything (at least I don't think so) Tiger is just awesome.

Sure he's revolutionized golf, turned the world's most boring-ass game into something worth watching every Sunday as your dad drools next to you passed our from last night's snifter of brandy. Sure he bangs supermodels like he's Tom Fucking Brady. Sure he can bench like 700 pounds, squat a kilo, and pull trucks with his dick. But more importantly, he's fucking cool.

How many people have you watched finish a beat-down like Tiger did at the U.S. Open? It's like Willis Reed had sex with Michael Jordan, David Beckham (for his looks of course), and Ghandi - then Tiger popped out.

I am certain that if I walked out onto a driving range and Tiger was there, he could swing his dick and hit balls farther then I could hit my 3-wood. He's Tiger.