Hooray For a Family of Douchebags

Apparently Oprah is so fed up with all the terrible economic news circulating lately she decided to take her anger out on an unsuspecting family. Instead of delivering millions of dollars in cheer this year, Oprah took a fat shit on the "Thriftiest Family" she could find. Look how pathetic these people are...!

"The Heinz family has $70,000 in savings." Congratulations! Based on the flattering picture Oprah.com decided to include in the article, you both look to be nearing your 50's. An entire $70,000 in savings at 50? With all due respect, are you kidding me? Let me ask you how you plan on retiring with a whopping $70,000 in the bank. Oh that's right, you'll continue living like cavemen in the Great Depression.

"With a prepaid cell phone used only for emergencies, the family's monthly bill is just $5." Please tell me you're not looking for any kind of applause for this. What are you, Amish? That's ridiculous. With that $40 you save every month on a cell phone bill, can you cover the hospital expenses you face everytime your children get beat up simply for sucking?

"Sue has found a way to snip $550 from their yearly budget by cutting the family's hair herself." What did you buy a Flowbee? Again, your poor children.

And the real irony behind this story is the fact that it comes to you from the aforementioned Oprah! Oprah poops $100 bills and wipes with $20s. Maybe she could offer to pay the damn cell phone bill and get the children a decent haircut. Greedy bitch! How on earth something like this becomes NATIONAL NEWS is beyond me.